Reconnecting with Myself

It's a funny thing, this exit of mine from the corporate world.

Chalk it up to the lack of corporate stress. Or maybe the fact that I now have more time to be in the moment. But it's hit me that for at least 20 years of my life, I have been more or less defined by the people I meet on the basis of either which school I go to or which company I work for.

Which college did you go to? La Salle. Ah. Sometimes a discussion then follows about which basketball team should have won the UAAP or a lively argument over which school is better (La Salle or Ateneo. Personally, I am indifferent. I believe your high school is what defines you and shapes you. So where did I go? I attended International Schools in Singapore and Indonesia. You see how one thing can lead to another when talking about schools?)

Where do you work? Oh this was interesting when I took a hiatus after a short stint at Citibank when I was 19 yrs old and concentrated on competitive powerlifting and mountain-biking. I could sometimes practically see people filing me under the "jock with no brains slash rich kid who doesn't want to work and hangs around expensive gyms" category. There were times I wanted to slap them with a copy of "Pride & Prejudice" or maybe launch a discussion on Shakespeare's comedies (in case you're interested, "Twelfth Night" and "Much Ado About Nothing" are my favorites, and yes I have read practially ALL of Shakespeare's comedies, if anyone under the age of 40 wants to start a Shakespeare or Jane Austen book club, let me know). Yet another of my greatest hits from this period was when an ex-boyfriend who was climbing the corporate ladder at the time apparently decided that having a 20-year-old girlfriend who was a full-time athlete was reason to be embarrassed and chucked me behind a pillar in Glorietta mall when we ran into his bosses. After all, if I was a corporate type, I wouldn't be in sweats and trainers during lunch hour on a weekday. 

Where do you work slash what's your position slash do you know so and so? This is the stage where, in your late twenties, people start to equate what you do and what position you have with a lot of things that should never really add up to what kind of person you are. Nevertheless, I always got a bit more mileage talking to people I probably wouldn't have had anything in common with when I got into the type of work I did for Nestle or S.C.Johnson or Colgate-Palmolive or the countries I worked with while doing a regional marketing stint at Kimberly-Clark. I have to say, I got a bit of a rush from talking about work. Sometimes, too much. Sometimes I now look back on that former self and think how boring or one dimensional I may have sounded to an outsider while I was prattling on about work. 

I realize, looking back, that people never talk about what's in their souls or what they are passionate about too much these days. I don't mean talking randomly about what moves you to people you've just met. But really to friends you care about. Sadly, even with closer friends, most discussions have focused on how work has been going, how stressed you are (some even wear stress like a badge of honor), your latest nightmare boss (and aren't there just loads of those going around these days) or your most recent job offer. Worse, some friends talk about their investments and financial coups without concern for some less fortunate friends who happen to be around. How sad that some people make themselves feel good and proud of themselves at the expense of others. Or are sometimes indifferent to how their ego trips make others feel bad.

Do all those things really define a person? I imagine all those things would be poor comfort on a day where you get a bad prognosis off your annual physical or lose a loved one.

Yet, we talk about them more than we do about the things that really make us feel warm, happy, and fuzzy inside. Let alone offer us comfort on times where we may feel incredibly down.

You can hug a child, but I daresay you can't hug your resume. Well maybe you can, but it sure as hell won't hug you back.

So after getting myself more degrees than a thermometer (AB, MBA, Executive Education Certificates from schools here and abroad), and 13 years of solid marketing experience, I now find myself at the peculiar point where I can neither give the name of a school or a corporation when asked what I do.

Yes, I freelance on a regular basis for a design agency and am on my way to co-owning my own business, but I am so much more than that. So much more than the design projects we do for really big brands or the crazy ideas I come up with that keep me awake at night.

Here's who I am.

I'm a wife to David. We may have had an unconventional start, but how we met always makes for a good story. I have never told that story without people ending up believing in serendipity. We're best friends and that counts for a lot. He's my partner in clumsy but devoted parenting to Charly. And even with her, we lucked out. She's a fairly easygoing little girl with a great sense of humor. I love them more than anything in this world. And there are no two other people I would rather spend my day with than them. 

I'm a daughter to parents I am finally having the time to really get to know and become incredibly good friends with. I'm a big sister to a brother finding his way in the crazy world of marketing and advertising - a world I have navigated for over a decade - and am strangely protective over, knowing precisely how machiavellian some industry insiders can be.

Unlike David, I don't have a green thumb, but am discovering an interest for growing herbs. I'm loving how I can have them fresh for cooking. I never thought I'd ever be the type who grows herbs. I like that I am now more in the moment and am able to wake up in the morning and take the time to look out the window and into our little herb garden.

I enjoy cooking and making meals for my family and friends. I enjoy actually having the time to sit down and savor a meal as opposed to sneaking in a bowl of Cerelac in between meetings because that was the only sustenance I could fit in in a few minutes.

I enjoy entertaining at home and feeding my friends. I treasure the fact that we have time to be together.

I'm a good friend to those close to me and are there for them whenever they need me. 

I love books more than ever, and am tickled pink that I now have the time to hang out in bookstores and actually finish reading all the books I have bought.

I love good advertising, and even better design. I love how I can now research more on these passions and apply them to what I do.

I've discovered a love for blogging and am glad I can write down my thoughts, ideas and document Charly's special moments so that she has more memories to build on when she gets older.

When I go to the salon, I can actually enjoy my treatments without looking at my watch ever few minutes, afraid that I may be running late for something work-related.

I love the fact that I now no longer have to keep proving myself to one boss after another. Yes, being a mom-preneur has its challenges. But I know that at the end of the day, I am responsible for my own success. Success now lies more in how hard I work, how strong my character is, than whether I do things a certain way or rub someone's back the right (or wrong) way.

Despite our crazy younger days and a tendency to be sarcastic, David and I are actually a couple of do-gooders who want nothing more than to make this world a better place for Charly to grow up in.

I could probably go on and on about all the things that I love. The bottom line is that I am in the moment more. It hasn't been easy, this big leap of faith. It's never easy leaving your comfort zone. But each time I weight the pros and cons, I always come back to the same decision.

I'm glad I made the change.