Mamma Mia!

Funny how the same movie, seen at different stages in your life, can affect you in two completely different ways.

When I saw Mamma Mia! on stage in London in 2002, I remember dancing in the aisle to 'Dancing Queen'. Great fun! I remember thinking I must book that ticket to the Greek islands that I had always planned with my girl friends.

Last night, I saw Mamma Mia, the movie, I still had fun, Pierce Brosnan's terrible singing voice notwithstanding. But more than wanting to get up and dance to 'Dancing Queen', much to my chagrin, I got teary-eyed when Meryll Streep sang 'slipping through my fingers' as she prepared her daughter for her wedding.

Damnit. I hate being 'such a woman'. I thought those teary-eyed moments ended when the baby was born and the pregnancy hormones let up.

I was wrong, though. Those moments were just the beginning. As my little baby has moved into toddlerhood and now looks more like a little kid than the toddler she still is, I really realize that motherhood is a series of celebrations and goodbyes. Of holding on tight, and letting go.

When she was a little baby, I used to dream of the day she would hold her head up. All too soon, she did. Just as I was enjoying having a little doll of a baby just bouncing on my lap, she started crawling and wanting to be free. Although her lower lip still quivers at times when I say goodbye, there are also just as many moments when she tucks her wubbie and favorite little pink bag under her arms and confidently waves, "bye mom!" as she goes off with other relatives. She runs head on into pet shops now, not even looking back to see if I am following behind. Her love, which used to be focused solely on David and me, is now getting spread around. It's not that she loves us less, it's that she has more and more to give.

Everyday is full of new milestones, and of saying goodbye to the stages gone past. Stages that she will never be at again. A little reminder that I had better enjoy what I have right here, right now, rather than worry about the future, for this moment will never come back again.

I can only take a deep breath, pray, and enjoy the ride, keeping in mind that this parenthood thing is all about the journey, not the destination.