A Rat No More

After 13 years in marketing, I am officially saying goodbye to being a full-time corporate citizen today.

It's a first for me. After getting my MBM degree from AIM, I went straight into Selecta, then I took my post-graduate executive education certificates from the Wharton Business School and Columbia University. Brand management posts in Colgate-Palmolive, S.C.Johnson & Son, Kimberly-Clark and Nestle all followed in back-to-back succession.

But something happened to me 2 years ago that made me re-evaluate my priorities. Charly was born.

All of a sudden, the late nights at work meant time away from my young family. It was manageable in the first year. It got harder as she developed her own unique personality and I noticed her character, sense of humor, intelligence, and independence developing at warp-speed.

In the past, staying at the office until midnight simply meant I would end up missing a pilates class or not going to that much-awaited movie premier. Now, it means missing out on milestones. The first time Charly spoke her first full sentence. The first time she sang the 'itsy bitsy spider' all on her own. Not being there to give her a hug of pride the first time she asked to go to the potty all on her own. Failing to tuck her in bed at night while saying her evening prayers. Not having enough time to spend with the hubby, catching up on each other's lives.

In a nutshell, it meant that I was spending more time growing someone else's business than developing my baby's heart and mind. It meant I was spending more time on understanding how consumers relate to my brands than how I could better relate to my family.

It meant missing so many opportunities when I could show her right from wrong, boost her confidence by giving her big hugs. Wipe the tears brought about by the latest boo boo.

Several studies have shown that a child's intelligence and social skills are cemented within the first 4-6 years of life. That means that what I do for Charly now will set her up with a good start for the rest of her life. Those 4-6 years have a high possibility of doing a lifetime of good for my little one.

Do I spend the next few years focusing on work, work, work and miss out on my child's critical years.

It was a no brainer. Still, it was a difficult decision to make. Work has always been a huge part of my life. Slowing down would also mean a bit of a lifestyle change and adjusting to a smaller income.

But sometimes the universe gives you a big club over the head when you just don't get it. For me, it all came to a head last month when I realized that there were weeks when the only time I would see Charly awake during the weekdays was when David would bring her over and meet me at lunchtime for a quick lunch and baby bonding session.

I knew then that something had to give.

I'm not saying I will start wearing frilly aprons and baking my own bread (although I do make a mean meatloaf from scratch and have a favorite Dean & DeLuca apron!). Thanks to friends in advertising, I am still able to nurture my creative side by working freelance on design projects and conceptualizing events and writing on the side (hey, throw some work my way in a few months!) as well as helping out with the family business. I may even eventually take on a job that won't command 12-15 hours a day of work, once Charly is in school. But I have made a decision that I won't let my profession get in the way of family. Charly will have her mommy when she needs her. The hubby will have a wife who is not so frazzled with work, and whose mobile phone does not beep even as they enjoy the sunset off the Angkor Wat on their vacation.

I'm not saying that women who choose to balance career and child-rearing are in the wrong. Some of my mommy idols are women who excel in their career and still manage to raise children who win spelling bees and athletic meets. I'm just saying that for me, it wasn't a good, comfortable fit. The tug of war between demands of career and family that surely plague every working-mom pulled at my heartstrings a little too much for comfort.

A senior executive at the office gave me the most heartwarming and inspiring advice a new mom contemplating on a career hiatus could receive. She shared with me that, at the height of her career, she too had taken a hiatus to spend time with her children. Years later, and now back in the corporate world, she is still at the peak of her game and so are her children in theirs. She said that if you work hard enough, you could manage to pick up where you left off in your career. But miss out on those critical years, and you can never make that up to your children.

One of my favorite writers, Anna Quindlen, advices us in "A Short Guide to A Happy Life" never to confuse your life and your work. The second is only a part of the first.

I've never forgotten the classic saying "No man on his deathbed ever said 'I wish I had spent more time at the office'."

One of my favorite coffee mugs shows a mouse saying "If you win the rat race, you're still a rat."

And of course, the great John Lennon wrote, "Life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans."

So, from today onwards, the corporate world will have to take a backseat. It's family first for me now.